What is the Sandwich Generation, and what does it want?

Whether those in the Sandwich Generation are actively involved in day-to-day parental care or are trying to have difficult conversations with older relatives from a distance, balancing new caregiving responsibilities with existing responsibilities to partners, young children and careers becomes extremely difficult — and extremely stressful.

The Sandwich Generation needs help with financial planning, decision-making and mental health

What do Sandwich Generation caregivers want? More support. When asked what would help to reduce their stress, the top three choices selected by respondents included access to a mental health professional (63%), decision-making support from their family (61%) and a financial advisor (57%). And, if given the choice, they’d prefer those kinds of long-term support systems over day-to-day support like childcare or in-home care.

Kim Egel, a licensed marriage and family therapist in San Diego who works with clients both in person and virtually across the country, wants Sandwich Generation caregivers to understand the importance of prioritizing their own mental health. “There are consequences for not making time for something [your mental health] you can’t neglect.” Egel notes that, although a weekly or bi-weekly therapy appointment might seem like one more item on the calendar, prioritizing mental health can actually save caregivers time in the long run — by giving them an opportunity to process complicated thoughts and feelings, for example, instead of ruminating on their anxiety, anger and worries all day (and, as many Sandwich Generation caregivers know well, all night).

“I think sometimes, the feelings just need a space to be heard,” Egel says. A mental health professional can provide a fresh perspective, suggest self-care strategies, prescribe medication if necessary and simply provide emotional support to people who might feel like it’s their responsibility to support everyone else.

Sleep and self-care are most likely to suffer

A lot of busy Americans feel sleep-deprived. And when you’re dealing with both the mental load and financial responsibility involved in caring for aging parents and young children, you’re probably getting even less sleep than usual. You also probably don’t have a lot of time for self-care, which can be defined as the restorative aspects of life (exercise, socializing, rest and relaxation) and is essential for preventing burnout. At this point, a caregiver watching over their elderly parents and kids may feel like they are compromising their own health and well-being.

As Dr. Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski explain in their book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, the typical person needs to spend roughly 42 percent of their time at rest. That’s 8 hours of sleep and two hours of restorative self-care per day, give or take — and Sandwich Generation members are more likely to give that time to others than take it for themselves.

Our survey respondents cited both sleep and self-care as two of the three aspects which had suffered most since they took on Sandwich Generation responsibilities. The top three choices included self-care (63%), sleep (62%) and financial health (43%). When you’re caring for others, it’s hard to care for yourself — and, as many people quickly learn, it costs a lot of money.

If the Sandwich Generation had an extra hour in their day, they would put it to good use. Respondents indicated they would spend time with their children and partner and grab some extra shut eye.

The Sandwich Generation is struggling to save for their retirement

Helping your parents through their retirement years often conflicts with saving for your own retirement — as does raising children. Fifty-nine percent of survey respondents expect to financially support their parents or in-laws as they age.

Whether Sandwich Generation members downscale their careers to spend more time with aging family or take out loans to help cover their children’s educational expenses, they often find themselves having to rethink their own long-term financial goals.

Fifty-five percent of our survey participants report that they’ve adjusted their retirement goals as a result of their financial responsibilities. An additional 29% of the Sandwich Generation feel that they will never be able to retire, which is a slightly higher ratio when compared to the average American (23% according to a recent study). Overall, our survey participants who felt overwhelmed by their responsibilities were more likely to report that they would never retire.

As author Laura Zigman recently wrote in a powerful New York Times essay about caring for two generations simultaneously: “It didn’t occur to me then how caretaking would affect me financially — my ability to earn, to generate work, to preserve our savings and retirement — for years to come.”

Mary Beth Storjohann, CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER(TM) professional and the founder of Workable Wealth, advises Sandwich Generation members to think carefully before cutting back on a career or pulling money out of retirement accounts. Remember that you’re not just giving up today’s salary or savings; you’re also giving up all money you could be earning in the future, whether through investment growth or career growth. “Look at the numbers first and make an educated decision,” Storjohann says. There might be creative options that you and your family haven’t yet considered, that will allow your parents to get the help they need without requiring you to give up a job or jeopardize your own financial security.

If you do decide to use part of your nest egg to help aging parents or family members, Storjohann suggests making a plan to pay yourself back. “If you’re spending down your own savings to help your family, what will it take from you, and what kind of changes will you need to make to your own financial plan, to replace that?”

The majority of the Sandwich Generation has financial protection

Given the enormous responsibilities of providing physical, emotional and financial support for their parents and kids, the Sandwich Generation seems to understand the importance of financial protection  — with two-thirds of survey respondents having life insurance. For this group in particular, life insurance is an important safety net for ensuring that your loved ones will be taken care of financially if you were to die.

Of those without life insurance, 66 percent of survey respondents reported that being a member of the Sandwich Generation prevents them from getting coverage — and Sandwich Generation caregivers who felt overwhelmed were less likely to have a policy.

Storjohann advises her clients to start thinking ahead about the financial plans and protections they’ll need to put into place before they become full-fledged Sandwich Generation caregivers — and to seek out professional support to avoid any financial burdens down the road. “If you’re trying to plan for your own financial future and your parents’, get professional help. It’s not something you want to try to do on your own.” A caregiver on a budget can seek out hourly-rate financial planners through reputable services like the XY Planning Network or the Garrett Planning Network.

Storjohann notes that finding a neutral third party to help you navigate the finances of elder care can also help with some of the more thorny emotional aspects as well. Financial planners may also be able to help caregivers have difficult conversations with their parents, whether those conversations involve budgeting, downsizing or simply getting an accurate picture of a parent’s financial assets. Once you begin talking with your parents about their financial needs — a conversation which Storjohann suggests having as early as possible —  a trusted financial planner can help you leverage both your and your parents’ resources effectively.

That way, you’ll have one less thing to worry about — and will be able to devote more of your time towards taking care of your loved ones, raising children, and taking care of yourself.

Survey methodology: Haven Life conducted a quantitative survey between January 23 – 28, 2020 and collected N=1,078 completed responses. Respondents were required to be between 30-55 years old, have dependent young or adult children and provide decision-making support or care for at least one parent. About 75% of respondents were between the ages of 30 – 44, and 58% of respondents have a household income between $25,000 – $100,000.